


Time

by GirlWhoLovesMonsters



Series: Johnilyn (Slipping Away) [1]
Category: Marilyn Manson (Band)
Genre: Johnilyn, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 17:59:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12636249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlWhoLovesMonsters/pseuds/GirlWhoLovesMonsters
Summary: Time passes. Explicit Content





	Time

**Author's Note:**

> One Shots   
> These are also posted on Wattpad. I decided to separate the stories here based on characters, where as in Wattpad they are all under the same title “Slipping Away”   
> My username is @grilledcheese there.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome and loved!
> 
> Thanks for checking out my work.
> 
> Thank you to all the writers here, I read your stories and that inspired me to start writing again, and to pick up fanfics as a place to write for fun. I hope you all enjoy my work. :)

I stare at the clock. Watching life literally tick away in front of me. The walls of this building are suffocating me. I'm not even sure who or what I am anymore. I cannot call this place a house, it is certainly not a home. Not the home I envisioned for myself at 48 anyway.  
Everything around me is fading away. I'm merely surviving here. Though there are many around me, constantly coming and going, I feel that I am alone. I sip my drink, and watch the clock melt down the wall. I think how nice it must be to be so fleeting, so fleeting that people constantly try to hold on to you.  
People love time, yet they hate it. They are always wanting more of it. There is never enough to go around. The people in my life are much like time. Here for a while, gone before I can get to close, yet I envy time. Everything slips through my fingers and I cannot hold on, yet as the numbers trickle down my wall, I notice that my clock will not expire soon enough.  
Perhaps there is a reason. 

I mean shit, it's not like I haven't done enough shit that would have taken most people out by now. I haven't been careful, with myself nor with others. Why am I still here, when those who deserve to be are not. I do not enjoy being alone, not nearly as much as most may think. I enjoy the company of close companions, having someone to mumble about with, someone who gets me. I do not have to try to impress nor change to keep them happy. They are merely here because they choose to be, not out of obligation of being my significant other. 

*scoff* Significant other, what makes them so significant? They take over your life, leaving you hollow inside. For the first time in a long while, I've chosen to just be. I have no partner. It's probably best this way. I can just sort me out. Take the time to truly just live. Stop merely surviving but actually live. Living beyond the hazy fog of the drug wall I build to avoid connection, or the booze that brings me out of my shell. Live, like I once did. Before this parasite took hold. Maybe in those moments of clarity of can find someone who will love me for me, not the me they think they can make me, nor the me they think I am. 

I've probably chose a shit time to try to figure me out. Perhaps it's actually act midlife crisis. I've already survived that, so this must be something else. Who the hell knows. The hands on the clock are distorted, they point in no one direction anymore. 

I'm ready for this tour, I have a strong band. We have strong songs. I can't release the album, because it doesn't feel right. I need reactions before I can just put my all out there again. Again, and again... I do this, I pour everything I have into my art. Some of the time I have more than other times to put into it. Right now I feel as though I don't have much. However I will put my best foot forward. I am going to do this as sober as I can, and as freely as I can. The stage has never been comfortable, however it is fun. A rush, not unlike a high. In those moments that I hear the screams of my name, I feel as though I matter, I am loved. I stand there, always and I have a moment of realization that I am not alone. These guys that stand here with me, they are here because of me, for me no less. They matter they care. I look to my left, always my left, I like consistency. I like knowing where to find my heart. Twiggy, he is always there. Loyal and strong. He is my spine, my well that I literally drink my strength from. With out him, I'd be nothing. Lovers have come and gone, this guy has always been there. Even when we were a part l, he remained within me. I cannot let him down. He has made me understand love for what it really is. I mean, not romantically, or maybe romantically, but not sexually. Okay, okay, maybe some times, but that doesn't count. I probably could have loved him and he me, better than anyone else. Had we allowed ourselves to go down that road. Somehow we were to scared. Of all things we were scared of what people would think. That ship has sailed, he will be forever by my side in some capacity. Long as I never loose him, I will never completely loose myself. I'll keep us as we are.

The incessant ticking of that fucking clock is driving me insane. It just ticks away the seconds of my life. My thoughts are scrambled and I cannot blink away the fog. I need...

*time passes. 5 hr jump*

I shoot up from my chair as I hear the banging on my door. I'm not sure if I fell asleep or even when it is. I look up at the clock on the wall. Almost surprised that it is there. "Hmmm, I thought it melted" I say aloud to no one. Mumbling incoherently to myself I make my way to the door. I notice its getting dark outside. "Shit, how long was out for this time?" I'm a little excited, maybe it's someone I actually want to see, maybe it's just mail, or some person offering condolences that I didn't need or ask for. I open the door and turn to walk back not even paying attention to who is there. Whomever it is should know to just come in. I'm not big on hospitality. 

The person walks in, moves through the foyer, down the 3 steps separating the rooms and goes into my "living room" *scoff, living room, more like sit and be a lump room, but anyway, they plop comfortably onto my couch. Never uttering the first word. I don't pay any attention. I continue into the kitchen and come back with two glasses of something strong.

I see that it is Johnny. I also check my phone. 15 missed calls and 5 texts. "Geez" I think.

"Here ya go." I chuckle as I hand him his class.  
"Thanks man." He mumbles.  
"You know I've been trying to reach you. Figured you were sleeping, so I just came over anyway. Assuming you don't mind."  
I laugh again. This asshole, is literally my best friend. He knows me well enough, that he just waltzes over here and I know that even if I had still been sleeping, he would have let himself in and sat here like he is doing now. Or he would have looked for me and went to sleep also. This fucker answered my prayers for the day. Something useful to do with my time. 

"You wanna fuck?" I ask half joking, mostly seriously. "Legit, I'm remembering why I don't like to be single, my right arm is getting a work out and I'm fucking tired of solo performances!"  
Johnny just laughs, and in his most seductive feminine voice he can muster he replies. "Giddy up cowboy!"  
We fall into a pit of laughter.  
"I feel you though for real. Since the Amber fiasco I've been shootin solo. Not as fun as it was at 13 huh."  
"Nah" I state simply before taking my seat back in my chair.  
I clear my throat, before continuing. "According to the internet, A: it wouldn't be gay because it's you and everyone wants you. B: everyone already thinks I fuck anything that breaths so it still wouldn't be gay. And lastly C: everyone wants it. I see this as a profitable expedition. If we marketed it."  
Johnny looks at me with his brow raised."well when you put it like that, how can I resist!" *Pauses* " geez Manson, couldn't you even try to seduce me. I'm not that easy!" Jonny snorted through laughter trying to sound serious.  
"Hey, now, I'm not easy. I do NOT put out on the first date." I reply.  
"Why do you assume this would be the first date?" He had stopped laughing and looked at me very seriously.  
"Pshhh" I try to play it off.  
" I mean I guess it could be the first if you wanted it to be, like, I - I don't know, the first actual official date. We've just been so close for so long, I guess I just thought maybe I'd been kinda charming you over all this time. Heh" he mumbled, stuttered and awkwardly tripped his way through his explanation.  
"Wait, you're serious?! You. Want to take. Me??? Out. Like on a. Date?" I asked kinda dumbfounded.  
I could tell he felt as uneasy as I did, though I did also feel excited about the proposition. He started to verbaly retreat, but I didn't let him.  
"I didn't mean to be weird, I mean, I wasn't seri..."  
"Yes you were." I cut him off. I stood up from my seat and aproached him cautiously as if he might run away. "I'd be more than thrilled to go out with you Johnny. I'd like too be on this side of the dating experience for once to be honest." I said smiling, still walking towards him.  
He laughed relieved. "Yea I wonder what it's like over here too!" He joked. "Ugh, you know what I mean." His face flushed red as I stood in front of him.  
"We can take turns taking each other out? Sound good to you?" I asked reassuringly.  
"So, like what if we fall in love during this ordeal?" He asked, as if he wasn't sure what us dating would mean.  
"Too late my man, I'm already in love with you" I chuckeled. "I mean if the right girls come along for us, maybe they will understand us? Should we decide to keep treating one another." I continued.  
"Maybe? Maybe? I suppose they'd have no choice... otherwise they'd be the wrong girls. Don't cha think?" He asked with a smirk.  
"So, uh, this is legit? You're gonna take me out? When should I expect this date?" I mumbled back shyly.  
"Well, let's see. I'll call you and we will plan something. I think surprise is good. I'll give you the usual gentlemanly treatment I give the ladies. Then uh, should you except, I guess we just see where it goes from there." He stated simply.  
"Sounds good to me." I smiled big at him. I felt the heat in my face, but it was way too late to try to hide it. "I'm starving though, you want to grab some food and a beer?" I asked.  
"Yeah, let's do it. Though this is NOT our date. Just so we are clear." He shuffled back through my house, looking over his shoulder, making sure I knew he meant it. I grabbed my coat and followed him out of the house shaking my head behind him.  
We got into his car and started driving towards town. I did have a nervous thought. What if this fucked up everything? What if our friendship wash damaged by our relationship or whatever? What if we didn't meet any other girls? Oh, shit, what if we didn't want too? Thoughts raced through my head.  
"What cha thinking about" he asked me sweetly.  
"Oh, you know, just all the things we just talked about." I said sarcastically. "Seriously, I'm excited to do this with you. But, um, (I gulped on my words before I spoke further. ) what if our friendship is ruined because of it? What if my love kill us? What if w.." he cut me off, and grabbed my hand with his free hand and squeezed once before letting go. "Calm down. Nothing you could do would ever ruin anything for me. First of all. Secondly of all don't worry about the other what ifs. We will cross those bridges when we come to them, and we will cross them together regardless of the outcome of our relationship. If I thought it would ruin us, I wouldn't have brought it up. It's been on my mind for a while now. Today I just got brave. Be brave with me." He finished, and turned up the radio so I couldn't respond. 

I looked out the window and smiled to myself. We went on about our usual day when we hang out. Acting foolish like we do. I genuinely have fun with him. We exchanged conversation and kept the drinks flowing after our meal. We ended up having to leave his car with valet and call my driver to get us.  
I fell asleep on the ride home I guess, because next thing I know, Johnny is shoving my arm. "Hey asshole, we're at your house. Wake up!"  
"Ugh... I whined at him. I'm so tired. And drunk! Did you bring me here to take advantage of me?" I gasp at him jokingly, crawling from there car.  
"Oh, yes, you know it babe!" He said in his Ct. Sparrow voice.  
"Mmmm, well I guess it's not taking advantage if I consent, right?" I shoved his arm while fighting with my key at the front door.  
"Dork, get inside so I can help you to bed. We're both to drunk to even try, I'm sure. Plus, I don't want it to be like this, should we ever get that far!" He said smirking at me.  
"Such a gentleman." I replied matter of factly. We finally got in the door, and I stumbled up my stairs laughing the whole way. Johnny just shook his head at me.  
Once I got out of my clothes and into pajamas I let him in my room. "You crashing here?" I ask, tossing him a text shirt and some shorts.  
"Yeah why not. Not the first time huh? Don't worry I won't get fresh with you. This time." He added, proud of himself for his joke. I laid down and flipped on the tv. I fell asleep before he even got out of the bathroom.


End file.
